“This is not going to change”
In February 2007, during another night of insomnia, I sat at the edge of my bed and I realised “This is not going to change”. The years before I had been trying to squeeze myself into a job that was not matching. I was burned out, stressed out, and had severe sleeping issues. In a third attempt to make it match, a new department, another position, the penny fell in place. I called in sick (again) I opted to leave this time.
Later that year in July, after the deal was settled and I was out of it, I said to myself the magical words “So and now I am going to do what I want to do”. I kicked out the television and booked my first trip to Jordan. 6 weeks later I saw myself sitting in the backseat of a taxi driving through Amman on my way to visit the Citadel. This first holiday, a 10-day group tour through the country was an immediate life-changing hit. The next year I went again, this time Syria combined with Jordan. One leading into the other I got the bold idea that I wanted to live in this part of the world, so in September 2010, I took the first step and spent 3 months in Amman. In the next 3 years following I went back and forth between the Netherlands and Jordan, eventually selling my house with the intention of staying in Amman permanently. I spent my years living there, learning the language, getting to know the country, building up a social life. That all worked out except for one crucial piece, finding a way to make a living. Eventually, I ended up with an empty treasure chest. Reluctantly, in debt, I returned to the Netherlands with nothing to nothing. After a year of wandering around, moving from one place to the other, I eventually found a more permanent place to stay.
“So let it black”
When I settled down, the frustration and anger flared up. Everything went so differently than I expected. All I wanted to do was paint wildly with black paint with the idea “If it is all black then let it be black”. An advertisement on the local supermarket message board brought me to the right spot and here my first creative project was born “Inner expression, an exploration of the dark”. A whole new chapter opened up, one of which I had no idea I had it in me. One leading into the other, the last 6 years I have been busy exploring the depths of my new creative artistic talents while working through the 6 layers of the Soul Art Certification. I have discovered that art and creative expression support the grounding of deep traumatic pain and it helps to transform it into renewal and expansion. The certification is almost complete and my home has transformed into an art studio where creative projects are taking over the space. Currently, I am exploring how to take it to the “next level”, making a business out of it.
“Sense Jordan”
Since I am back in the Netherlands my Jordan experiences often feel so far away. When Brenda asked me to be part of this e-book project, I had an alienating awakening dream wherein I saw myself driving through Irbid, late at night, on my back from Umm Qais to Amman. I knew it was me while at the same it felt like it was happening to someone else. Many of Jordan's experiences are woven through these surrealistic layers of a deep inner connection and sensory awareness.
Below 6 of my favourite spots to sense Jordan
Umm Qais. I love this Ancient Greek-Roman city in the northern hills of Jordan close to the Israeli, Lebanese and Syrian border. Standing there, it feels so controversial. On one hand, it is quiet and peaceful with a view over the Golan Heights and Lake Tiberius. At the same time how close it may be it’s impossible to get to the other side. Closed off borders, military checkpoints, sometimes gunshots in the distance. Welcome to the Middle East. Yet it is striking to see how friendly Jordanian soldiers always are.
Jerash. The first time visiting this ancient Greek-Roman city I remember so well: “These stones I walk on, they are over 2000 years old, the same stones where the Romans walked on”. Surrounded by the pillars, temples and other ruins, for a split second, I felt catapulted back in time, actually being in the ancient times itself as if then and now became one.
The Dead Sea. A visit to the Dead Sea is an experience in itself. It already starts with the ride going down, descending into the depth of the lowest point on the earth. Once you get out of the car, a blanket of hot air wraps around you holding a heavy silence and a deep ancient wisdom. Floating in the Dead Sea is experiencing effortlessness. It is all going by itself, you don't have to do anything for it.
King's High Way. The Kings High Way is the road to travel from Amman to Petra. Passing Madabah, Mount Nebo, Karak with the Crusader's castle, Shobak Castle. My favourite part is winding down and curling up through “the Grand Canyon of Jordan”: wadi Mujib, it's an experience of diving deep and rising high at the same time.
Petra. Petra is without any doubt the “must-see” of Jordan. Twisting and turning through the siq, when finally in a a glimpse the treasury appears, you enter the grand openness of this ancient Nabateean city. My favourite spot is at an outside corner of Petra, high up on the hill of the monastery. Standing there, staring into the depths of the abyss of the wadi Arabia, it's the pristine beauty of the savage rough rock formation that stands out. It’s a reflection of true self and true nature, the essence of being.
Wadi-Rum. There is a lot to say about the wadi rum, its colours, the desolate “out of this reality” dream landscape. The one thing jumping out for me is the deep deep silence. On my first trip in 2007, spending one night in the rum, late at night when the generator (for power supply) was finally turned off, an ear-deafening silence fell over me. It was BAM and WOW at the same time. I had never experienced this before. On a later journey when I spent a full night in the rum, in the stillness of the early morning I could hear the movement of the wings of the birds flying in the air.
Silence
Silence is the source of creativity. Silence is also the core foundation of deep grounding that I especially experienced in the Wadi Rum. Those two come together in creative transformation retreats in the wadi rum. Organising my first one in fall 2024, in whatever form or shape would be a dream come true.
Comentarios